the power of prayer?

I will be the first to admit that I do not attend church services, nor am I a bible thumper.  I do consider myself spiritual, and I do believe in God, very much so.  I guess sometimes I have wondered if God believed in me.

 I realized over the past few months that alcohol was probably going to keep me from real estate.  Why?  The constant fog, the oversleeping, staying up too late....it was a cycle I knew I HAD to break.  Then I did what I wondered if I could ever do.  I want to be in the real estate field far more than I want to sit up late and night and drink rum & diets....I had to make a choice, and I did.  I broke that vicious cycle.  Then something really strange happened.

When I started going to bed without my favorite sleep aid (rum)....I realized how insanely early my husband was getting up to go to work as a manager for a gas station/convenience store.   3:30am.  He's been doing this for almost an entire year, and up until the 'no rum', I really had no idea.  This had to change for him....and then I started to pray.

Prayer for me has not been a regular activity, if ever.   I mean, if you fall asleep before your head hits the pillow, ummmm it's hard to get a hearfelt prayer out, and honestly - I never even thought of it.  Maybe I didn't care, or see a reason.  I've always had this theory that someone, somewhere - has it much harder than I do.  So maybe God should take care of them first.  (i have some strange theories and mind methods lol). 

So, after going to bed, within a night or two of stopping my rummy drinks, I prayed.  In my prayers I ask God to fill my heart with the Holy Spirit until I could physically feel it, and then I did.  The feeling reminds me of my first communion....I physically felt cleansed for days afterwards.   From there, I do a childhood prayer, focusing on the Holy Spirit within me, then the Lord's Prayer, and then giving deep and heartfelt thanks for my blessings, continuing to feel the prayer stirring inside of my heart.  Then I ask for Him to take my hand and lead us (Hubby and I) down the paths He has planned.  Then something happened.  Things started to change.  The changes I will share in a future post, but I will say this, I pray every night.

I feel my prayers are becoming more and more heartfelt and genuine.  I now fold my hands.  I only ask for His guidance....because I have learned, I can't change the path that has already been chosen.  I can only go along for the ride and know that is what is SUPPOSED to be.  The funny thing is, I think we both want the same for me, you know....the me that I wasn't sure that He believed in.